Prompt #12

This week's prompt is a letter to someone who has been there for you, supported you. Thank them for what they did. Remember that you have allies. If you can't think of anyone to thank, write about what support you could have used. It can help you ask for what you need.


Dear Mom,

You were always be my side no matter what. It was never clearer, though, than during aftermath of my abuse. Even though it was almost thirty years ago, I still remember the day I disclosed like it was yesterday. Your first reaction was to fly out the door to go and attack him, but then I started crying. You were immediately back inside, wrapping me in a hug, your strength surrounding me.

I felt your strength and your love and your protection throughout the whole process. It was there when you wiped my tears and held my hand as I was examined in the hospital. When we went to court and I melted down after seeing him for the first time since I disclosed, you lifted my chin and told me to hold my head up high. You told me I had nothing to be ashamed of. When his attorney attacked me, blamed me, said he didn't believe me, you looked into my eyes and said, "I believe you."

You were there when I lost all hope. When I decided the pain was too much. You laid in bed next to me after having my stomach pumped, switching out garbage bags every time I threw up. You held me in your arms, willing the broken pieces back together. You guided me to getting help. I am still here because of your love.

When the verdict came in and he was found not guilty, I was just relived to have it all over. It was you who cried tears of anger and frustration. It wasn't fair that he hurt your baby and was allowed to get away with it. You wanted him to feel the pain we felt. You wanted justice. You wanted me to be okay.

Mom, I am okay. Thanks to you. Your strength, support, love, care, compassion, empathy, and determination have helped turn my darkness into light. You have given me my resilience. It's a gift I cannot thank you enough for.

"I am here." "I believe you." "You deserve love." "I will help in any way I can." "You still have amazing things left to do." These words saved my life. These words still carry me today. Thank you!

Your forever grateful daughter.



Who supported you? What kind of support do you wish you had?

Prompt # 11

This week's prompt is to write a Victim Impact Statement. It doesn't matter if you are pressing charges/going to court or not. Write about how the trauma has affected you and the impact it has had on your life. Let it all out!


You were family. You were supposed to protect me. Instead, you stole my childhood. You took my innocence. You took my identity. I stopped being myself and became your victim. You brought me into a club I did not wish to be invited into. 

Being assaulted by someone who was meant to love and care for me heightened the trauma. I didn't know who to trust. I still have a lot of trouble trusting others now. I am always looking for someone's angle. When someone is kind to me, there is always a voice in the back of my mind asking, "Why?" You put it there. I crave connection, but at the same time am suspicious of it. It's like being at war with myself; my heart and my head fighting against each other.

For a long time, I blamed myself. I wondered what I did wrong. To this day I still have the need to be the "good girl." I feel if I am perfect as can be, and bend over backwards for others, then I will become worthy and no one will hurt me. I struggle to be good enough, but always feel like I'm falling short. My self-worth turned to dust in your hands.

Because of you I lost a lot of family. They stood by your side, even those who you assaulted as well. Half of my family, half of my heritage, gone in one fell swoop. You robbed me of grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. You denied me my blood.

I am not the only one you hurt. I had to watch my mother cry, both of us trying to be strong for the other. Nights spent embracing each other, trying to let go of the pain, to revel in each other's strength. Days spent trying to keep the feelings from winding down our cheeks as I had to go over my story over and over again and she sat holding my hand.

In court your lawyer made me out to be the bad guy. My memory was attacked. My character was attacked. I was destroying your reputation to keep my parents together. Your family lied for you. Your were the perfect patriarch. I was the troubled child. You even had the judge fooled.

But just because you did not spend a day in jail, were not convicted, does not mean you are not a rapist. Does not mean I still don't have nightmares from time to time. Does not mean my innocence wasn't taken at age 6. Does not mean my life wasn't completely changed.

But know this --- I will not let what you did change the core of who I am. My heart refuses to be hardened. My passion is helping others. I will share my story and light the path for others. I will continue to fight for good. You may have made me a victim, but I am making myself a survivor.


What would your impact statement say? Let me know in the comments.

Prompt # 10

This week's prompt is a check-in: where are you in your healing process? As much as we would like it to be, healing is not a linear process. It can be two steps forward, one step back. It is also a never-ending process. It is important to acknowledge how far you have come; to honor your courage, strength, and resilience. It's also important to take stock and see where healing needs to happen. This gives you places to focus on. Be honest with yourself, and write about how far you have come and how far you need to go.


My process hasn't been easy. I took me 6 years to disclose my abuse. The criminal justice system was a disaster. His lawyer tried to put the blame all on me, his family lied for him, and several people didn't believe me or dismissed what happened. I ended up attempting suicide at the age of 13. After that I was placed in therapy. It didn't go well at first; I didn't want to talk about anything. Talking hurt. Talking brought flashbacks. My therapist stuck with me, though, and I was able to begin processing what had happened. Even though he was acquitted, at least the case was over and I didn't have to think about it. A year or two after he was acquitted, my perpetrator died of cirrhosis of the liver.  I put it all out of my mind and spent most of high school in a much better head space. This would last until my last semester of college.

In my Women's Studies class we were assigned Bastard Out of Carolina to read. All at once, everything came rushing back. I ended up sliding into depression. My teacher was amazing, and I confided in her. She suggested volunteering for a local rape crisis center. I went back to therapy for a couple months, and the day after graduation, I started my volunteer training for Rape Victim Advocates in Chicago, IL.

This decision would change my life forever! The training really helped me to feel and truly believe that what happened me to was not my fault. The coping skills we were taught to show survivors became a part of my own arsenal. Helping others like me gave me a sense of fulfillment and purpose. I never looked back. Whenever I moved, I would find the local rape crisis center to volunteer. I have been involved in this field, both paid and unpaid, for almost 20 years now.

I think I have come a long way in my healing process. I am able to talk about my experience openly. Doing so doesn't send me into spasms of fear anymore. Flashbacks and triggers don't cripple me anymore. I am able to help others. I am proud of the woman I have become.

However, if I am being honest, there are definitely ways I can help myself get further on my healing journey. Choosing the advocacy field as my career means I am constantly fielding triggering stories. My passion for this work can be a little intense at times, too. I am constantly seeking out documentaries and survivor biographies. Sometimes it can get a little overwhelming and I forget that I need to take a step back. I need to take the advice I give my clients, and focus on self-care. I can see how it plays out when I lose that --- my anxiety rises, I have trouble sleeping, I am depressed and irritable. I know too well how easy it is to let that despair eat you alive.  I just need to remember to take it day by day and make sure I balance it all with things that bring me joy.


What path has your healing journey taken? Remember to take pride in how far you have come -- you are still here and surviving! -- and be honest about how you can keep yourself on that path. What areas need tending to?

Self Care is Essential

The thing I stress the most to my clients is self-care, self-care, self-care! The more depleted you are, the harder it is to heal.....you have to fuel your tank! It's important thing to remember is self-care is very individualized --- some people love a good run and it helps them clear their heads; for me it's torture! :-) Find what works for you. Here are some options to get you started:

Physical Self-Care:

·         Get enough sleep

·         Wear clothes that make you feel confident and beautiful

·         Get physical – walking, swimming, jogging, dancing, yoga, sports

·         Get a massage/manicure/pamper yourself

·         Take care of your health – go to the doctor when needed

·         Eat healthy food

·         Walk barefoot in the yard or park – ground yourself in the Earth

·         Soak your feet

·         Drink plenty of water

Emotional Self-Care:

·         Spend time with people who lift you up

·         Learn your triggers

·         Give yourself permission to cry

·         Watch funny movies or videos

·         Don’t ignore your emotions – feel what you need to feel

·         Surround yourself with inspiration

·         Create boundaries as needed

·         Nurture your dreams

·         Ask for help as needed

·         Use affirmations

·         Read

Psychological Self-Care:

·         Journal/take time for reflection

·         Therapy

·         Create – paint, write, draw, dance, knit

·         Get out in nature

·         Engage your senses

·         Read a self-help book

Personal Self-Care:

·         Goal setting

·         Figure out what you want in life

·         Make a vision board

·         Foster friendships

·         Look up places online that you’ve always wanted to visit and daydream --- or plan!

·         Take a social media break

·         Learn a new skill

·         Write yourself a love letter

·         De-clutter or redecorate

·         Celebrate your achievements big and small

Spiritual Self-Care:

·         Watch the sunrise/sunset

·         Meditate

·         Pray/go to church

·         Volunteer

·         Utilize labyrinths (https://labyrinthsociety.org/virtual-labyrinth-walk)

Prompt # 9

This week's prompt is to make a list of what inspires you and brings you joy. It's important that even during the darkness of trauma that you focus on the light.

What brings me joy/inspires me:

• my wonderful 7 year old son
• my supportive and amazing husband who encourages my passions
• my family
• getting into my writing again
• my crazy cats
• reading
• getting out into nature more now that the weather is nice
• creating kindness rocks with my son
• doing the work that I do
• my incredible friends
• sitting out on our porch
• family dance parties
• board games
• sitting by the water
• movie nights
• the kindness of others
• poetry
• butterflies
• art

What inspires you and brings you joy? What light can you hold on to in the darkness?

Prompt # 8

This week's prompt is to write 10 things you like about yourself. Let's build up that self-confidence!!

1.  my passion
2. my empathy
3. my ability and desire to help others
4. my kind heart
5. my event planning skills
6. my loyalty to family and friends
7.  my resilient nature
8. my trustworthiness 
9. my sensitivity 
10. my thoughtfulness

This list was hard to create, I must admit. I even had to google positive qualities for inspiration. It was very eye-opening. I am still working on self-worth and knowing that I am deserving of love and care. I put everyone else first and myself last. That's why activities like this are important to continue to build up that self-esteem. You are amazing! You are worthy! You deserve happiness!

Your turn! List all the amazing qualities you have. How hard or easy was it? Write about your experience.